“I get queasy changing my tampon.”
(Talking about how bad she hates blood)

“Do you think he’s gonna notice it’s a half a point bigger? Nah, he’s old and wears bifocals. Everything looks big to him.”
(Talking about writing her paper in font 13 instead of font 12)

“Talking about someone else’s life won’t give you one.”

“Fried chicken isn’t racist, it’s fucking delicious.”

“Everytime I wake up next to Kevin there’s something wrong with me.”

“I feel like the shittest day of our whole life is their best day.”

“It’s hard to make chicken soup out of chicken shit.”

Me to Mel: “Your eye’s red.”
Mel: “All of them?”
(As if she had more than two eyes)

“How’s that going for you… having NO personality?”

“I have no idea WHY I am in CLASS on my BIRTHDAY.. but I figured I’d make one good decision by going to class.”