(He is at a red light and a cop is across the street. Dave says this while making an illegal U-turn)
“Well, if he’s coming to get me, then he’s coming to get me.”

“Tell it to your preacher.”

“She’s a recent rape victim that needed girl power.”

“Columbus didn’t ask for directions.”

“I don’t get my wisdom out of newspapers.”

(While trying to find the movies)
“It’s HERE! They just built more stuff trying to confuse me.”

“…You know the hot tub pool thing? Well, it’s really a hot pool.”

“I’d rather be notorious than be unknown.”

“Dating is kind of all about annoying each other, if thats what you want to call it.”

“That’s why I just loooove Dollar General, so casual, I don’t have to get all dressed up like I do when I got to Wal Mart.”