“Everybody cares about a piece of shit sometimes.”

“Have you ever seen a fat thing? Like a wheat thin, but a fat thin…”

“I wish I could sing (pause) I wish that all the time.”

“Is my head attached to my neck? Do my feet have toes?”
(making fun of me with random questions)

“Talking about someone else’s life won’t give you one.”

“For some reason chewing makes me hard of hearing.”

“I got so much wax in my ears, I could make candles.”

“I can only carry on a real conversation with someone else who has a.d.d”

“When you baby people they come back to be babied.”

(Talking about how fast Kristy hotboxes the bathroom)
“There’s probably treadmarks in her undies.”