“You’re apparently on the best terms and he won’t come over here and say hey…?”

“You would think a 150 dollar remote could change channels.”

“Apple just killed my whole website.”

“I feel like the shittest day of our whole life is their best day.”

“Never come to the grocery store hungry.”

The Strict Mom: “…Like you have enough money.”
The Brat Kid: “Actually we do. I could sell my jeans and buy your whole farm.”

“The fucking instructions are in Europe.”
(He thought someone peed on his down comforter and did not know how to clean it. So, we were like read the directions. And this is what he said.)

“I feel like I brushed my teeth today but it still tastes like shit.”

“I’ll just get a taxi back and call it a fucking life.”
(Bitching about getting a ride home from North Charleston to Mt. P)

“is tired of the quiz request… I don’t know shit about anyone, including myself… gout doctor and dentist all in the same day…. weeeee this is fun.”