“It’s like a fat girl. It’s fun til your friends find out.”
(Talking about mopeds)

“You know how I know I’m fratty? Because when all my nice clothes are dirty i wear polo.”

“Just to sleep in the bed I need a rubber. I have wounds…I’m done!”

(Todd puts the side of a wine bag to his ear.)
Jordan says, “It’s calling your name, Todd.”
Todd says, “It’s bubbling….” (And then he puts the wine bag next to Jordan’s ear.) …and then says, “Listen.”
Jordan says, “Yea, it says TODDDDDDDDDDD!”

“Just a couple of the best nicknames J Chris and I came up with for Jesus: the bibles protagonist, speaker of red words, salvation station, coming home king, da OG from Galilee, God Jr. , floaty toes, DJ Heaven, bay walker, sand hiker etc….”

“Well no wonder it went over so well…. I knew what the plan was!”

“K. C’mon. The dicks not sucking itself.”

“I have the laughing gas!”

“Mel, I love how you’re talking about herpes and you have shingles.”

Me: “Todd, can I have your computer?”

Todd: “No, it’s like the only good part in my life.”