“Don’t make me come there and touch you where it counts.”

“Who is this mother fucker that crawled in my air mattress?!”
(When he slept on an air mattress at Kevbo’s house after a big party)

“You can work around the outbreaks.”

“All the best things in life are pink. You think about that Adam.”

“See, you were cold so you pissed yourself to warm up. Like a scuba diver.”

“Does anyone have any chapstick that doesn’t have herp?”

Wyatt: “I don’t have time to do anything besides farmville. Why aren’t you on farmville?”
Me: “Dude, I’m not trying to get addicted to that and become worthless like you, Kevin, J Chris, and Adam.”
Wyatt: “Let me put it this way. They had already been all about farmville for weeks until I got suckered in. Adam is now level 17, J Chris is 25, and Kevbo 26. I’m already 24. That’s how much it’s consumed my life.”

“Never again. My body can’t digest cheap. It’s genetic. I think it’s in my pedigree.”
(Talking about drinking cheap wine and how last time he drank cheap wine it did not work out too well for him)

“Dude, you are the most fratty fucker I’ve ever met.”

“Everytime I come in this area code, my IQ drops five points.”